Anger Management

This paper has been taped to our fridge for the past week. It'll likely remain there alot longer. It comes from a moment yet ANOTHER moment of #1 getting so angry so uncontrollably angry that she can't communicate and chose rather to push, or hit, or bite, or slap, or kick #2 in the stomach. Sure, some of the physical roughing is provoked (most often by singing) and some of it is "just being siblings" (as Matt reasons), but it's reoccurring pattern is getting ridiculous. Really, your sister wouldn't stop singing and so you punched her in the stomach? Really, she was going to throw something so you left teeth marks in her back? Not ok!

So, in a moment of "You slapped her, again?!/I can't deal with this right now" I ordered her to go down to her bed. Waving ten fingers in the air, I demanded that she not come talk to me until she could name ten OTHER options that are BETTER than choosing to hurt someone. She headed downstairs and sheepishly came back up a short while later with her ten fingers raised. Remembering carefully, she listed off ten GREAT alternatives. She was ready to move on...but I wasn't. So, next way to lengthen the "you'll think about this/Mom needs to cool down too" time, I had her get a paper and write numbers 1-10 down the left hand side. The items to write were more important than a school spelling test, however. They were to be prominently placed on the fridge as more of a reminder than a proud display.

Truth be told, I ended up LOVING this list. I don't love the reason we got it. But, as I see what she chose to include, how can I not humble myself and smile? Some personal favorites: #3 - Forgive them. #4 - Breathe in and out. (Mrs. Wallace taught in her Kindergarten class to "smell a flower and then blow out a candle...smell a flower and blow out a candle." That is now the deep-breathing visual I now attempt!) #5 - Freeze like a Statue. #7 - March around mad but don't touch them. Pretty sound ideas, I'd say!

The list has been revisited. There continue to be times that I come up with no other response than "Go stand in front of that fridge and REREAD your list! Which one of those TEN ideas would have been a better choice?" I am frustrated with these outbursts. I am trying to reason with her that there is no way this will be accepted once she returns to school. But, I realize that this is something I am going to HAVE TO work through with her. (Any more effective methods that have been used at your house? Any words of encouragement that this is just a stage that will pass?)

There have also been times when I have stood in front of the ten prompts for my own benefit. Perhaps even more than the author herself, I need the list to think about. After an angry outburst I think of what I am really teaching. I want to raise calm children who can express themselves. But, my anger needs to be controlled before I have any right to expect it of my children.

Oh, to walk the talk...