Ty's Two!

The picture proof of Tyler's second birthday: We kept gifts simple, knowing that the real hit would be "from Matt." A working tool bench found on the classifieds for a steal. Having spent the majority of this year shadowing Daddy, what better than a drill in his own hands? Good thing Matt pulled it into the house early that morning. ALL DAY Tyler marched around the house with no less than two tools in hand! Good way to stay busy on his special day. He LOVES them!

When family rolled in for the party, my camera's flash was a mess. Didn't get any clear pictures with Matt's parents or the others, but I did get a few of Tyler opening what my dad brought. By this point of the unwrapping, Tyler knew just how to tear at the layers! It took me a minute to catch onto Dad's repeated comment of, "I didn't know what other box to fit this in." Finally, his mention that, "this will be the only time a request is filled" reminded me just what would fit into such a long skinny box. Of course, nothing less than an official MLB bat and ball! Perfect! Thank goodness for the foam covering, seeing as Tyler spent the rest of the night swinging, regardless of the close bodies. This morning, it was the first thing he hunted down. To include a pun, "It's a hit!" He LOVES it!

Then onto the "hairy monster" cake (I decided part-way through decorating, that if I find a design where messy frosting is the key then I'm set!). We moved the masses into the kitchen. Tyler climbed up onto one of the chairs - looking little and big at the same time. While hearing the birthday song, he tried to restrain himself from both grabbing a sucker eye and blowing out the candles too early! That's hard when you're two. When it came time to blow, he gave it all he had! Sweet thing. LOVE HIM!

Hold It Together

A vent. Nothing real cheery.


Most nights, when Matt is working late, I get the kids fed, into an early bath, and then into bed shortly after 7:00. "Seven!?" many ask. Yes, that alarming time is good for all of us! First, I don't feel terrible about giving the kids extra time to rest - Paige and Tyler are both out cold within minutes. Second, it is for my sanity - I can't hold it together any longer. That's all I've got. Twelve+ hours flying solo is too long of a stretch for me.

Such an extended solo stretch hit me hard tonight. Ty's birthday. Sure, at two Ty doesn't know any differences between a regular day and a birthday. But, the rest of the house knew it was a "different" day. As 2:00 rolled around, the clock was moving extremely slow and I wondered how I could fill the remaining hours until Matt came home. 5:00 rolled around. No Matt. A phone call to him confirmed that, no, he wouldn't make it home by the planned 6:30 "party." Two more phone calls to grandparents pushed things back. Surely 7:30 would give him the time to make it down the freeway and watch candles blown out. Fingers crossed. A 7:15 phone call to him revealed that no, he wouldn't be there. Really?!! You're really going to miss his birthday? I'd be flying solo. Still.

Tho not really solo. There was a party to host. Quite possibly the last thing I wanted to smile for. Ten minutes 'til the doorbell would ring and I was in tears. A back corner of the bedroom. Away from cake-craving children. Halfway through a "help me hold it together" prayer, a loud exclamation comes from the front room, "Grandma's here...Dad's Mom." In-laws first. Deep breathe. Tissue hidden. Here goes. Heaven help me not cry. Heaven help me look excited about the gifts given to my child. Heaven help me not have to reexplain why Matt's not here as I cut into the cake he won't taste... Hold it together, Sarah.

Thankfully the "party" went fine. Needed clothes and new toys. Those always serve as a good distraction. The unexpected arrival of my sister and her family. Added voices always help divert attention. So, I tried to keep things rolling. Camera clicked. Paper was cleared. Cake was sliced. Tears avoided.

And now the house is quiet again. Bedtime, pushed back to 8:45, was quick. Tho not entirely painless for all. Tyler and Paige were down and out quickly, as expected. But Meg, semi-unexpectedly threw a huge fit. She wondered if they'd continue waiting up for Dad. When the answer was no, tears were unleashed. She realized that in fact he had missed the entire birthDAY. Her question as she fell to her pillow, "Why does he even have to have work?" Ah... Isn't that the exact reasoning behind the job-switch just weeks before? Isn't missing an important family function like tonight exactly what we were aiming to avoid? Why do I again find myself in a position of explaining that, "No, work is not more important than you..." I had no answer for Meg, and instead cried along with Meg. Which was crazy to Paige, who, as I moved to her bed to tuck her in said, "your eyes are going red." Thanks, Paige! Hold it together, Sarah. Hold it together until you leave their room.

Now, recognizing the devil's advocate points that I've faced before: I KNOW that gone is the last place Matt wants to be. I KNOW he is working because he needs to work. I KNOW that I sound thankless to the countless unemployed. I KNOW that I sound pitiful to the many with spouses deployed. I KNOW I hold nothing to my high school peer that already stands widowed. I KNOW he was there for Meg's concert yesterday - I should dwell on that goodness instead. I KNOW that Matt is likely more present and fun-loving when he is here than I, in fact tomorrow is (thank-heavens) a Saturday that will include a late breakfast with the kids clamoring around Matt. He is certainly doing an amazing job as a Dad. This is in NO WAY putting his efforts down. And, I KNOW that we are given no more than we can handle...

BUT, I'm exhausted. I'm tired of feeling like I am flying solo here (and in the prep work required to make it to church, and in the aisles of the grocery store, and in the juggling to school and dance and doctors...). It is lonely. And, having to constantly be on toes to teach these children right is overwhelming. Holding it together is not for the weak.

These kids, that are growing up too quickly, need a mom who can hold it all together for them!
Ah.
I need another piece of cake...and perhaps the rest of the chocolate ice cream.



No, this most likely won't be added to the black and white blog book printed at the end of the year. While it'd serve as a "mothering-is-no-easy-thing" example, their Mom's rant need not overshadow the cute picture of Tyler hovering over two lit flames (GREAT celebrating pictures will be put on tomorrow). But, tonight is what it is. A rough patch. Tho, can it be called a "patch" if there is no end in sight?

"Hooray for Halloween" Concert

Meg was part of her Halloween program, today. At her school it is the First Grade's BIG production. Both classes combined on the steps, it takes place of any Christmas or End-of-year option. A THICK collection of the songs/poems made it home (I think accidentally) in Meg's bag a few days ago and gave me a sneak peek of what we'd be hearing. It was fun to see them sung with the bagful of props that had carefully been made. I enjoyed sitting back and watching her be so serious about the actions to funny little songs. A fun way to start the holiday weekend. I enjoyed sitting back and thinking, "Yes, she is ours...and she's doing a great job." A fun way to watch her growing up.


Best parts of the program from Meg's view (mine too): Matt taking the (long anticipated) day off work to be there. Matt taking us for a celebratory ice cream cone once done. Sweet memories.

Classic Leaf House

You know: a classic leaf house. I knew them well growing up: leaf piles spread in careful lines to form the wall boundaries. I think growing up should include them. S0: I literally transported a few wheelbarrows worth of the neighbor's leaves and dumped them onto our back grass (to later be thrown over the garden fence to be tilled in) and I taught the girls the rules of play. Meg has built one before. Paige was eager to learn of the chance to have a room of her own.

The girls tried to explain the rules to Tyler. He'd at times follow behind from room to room. But, not able to distinguish between what was "in" and what was "out," he was often banished for jumping "over" (or through) the lines. Banished to the remaining leaf pile...or to the garden where he could freely chuck grass clippings...or where he could meticulously place grass into every old onion hole.

But, most often he would quickly wander back from such banishment and ROAR loudly at the girls. Such an intimidating roar...when followed by such cute, chunky smile!

This Year's Pumpkin Carving

This year, Matt's parents spent alot of effort on the garden area at their new house. Large raised boxes. Large amounts of prime manure. When it came time to planting, they got the idea that it would be great to have each grandchild pick something to plant and watch grow. Our three kids selected pumpkins. The vines ended up going wild and producing plenty to share. So, when harvest time came a few weeks ago, we huddled around (after a Sunday dinner) and watched the orange circles plucked and piled. While standing around, we decided it would be another good idea to carve together. Could get the Grandparents involved/seeing the rewards of what they grew "for" to grandkids (tho it turns out that Matt's Dad was gone working anyways). Could leave the mess at their place. Thoughtful?!

Last night was the planned night of carving. So, we showed up and headed out to the garage. There the pumpkins were smartly pre-scooped by his sister Laura. Sure, some gooey hands-on was missed, but really, it doesn't get much easier than that! This year: Meg was very independent cutting - only needed help on the trickier curves. Paige was here and there - keeping tabs on the cousins' selections. And, Tyler was given the scooper - least poking potential! I never got a shot of our final faces, but just imagine us sticking with the elementary triangles and pointy teeth, while others went with the fancier stenciled patterns.

The cutting turned out to be cheery with the extra bodies around:

The chaos of the clan.

(Laura, Bo, Brian)

(Rebecca & Cousin Kristy)

(Addie, Ryan, Lisa)

(Mark & Kennedi)

(Kennedi & Dominique)

(Tyler & Paul) Why not try for his icecream with the scooper?!

(Rebecca, Chase, Paige)

The Bathroom Tile

The tile. What a process. A long process that ended up requiring some change.

We decided to go parallel with the tub. Matt's opinion to "walk across it" won out. Definitely has a "cobble street" feeling with the pieces being a much smaller option than regular 12-inch squares most do (These are usually only used as an accent strip among big pieces). We both loved it once it was all down!

Then came the decision for the walls of the shower. Three sides. Tub to ceiling. Plan was to use sheets of itty-bity tiles. A mix of browns, creams, black. Some trendy glass squares mixed in among travertine. We actually selected this tile first and based most everything else around it. Problem was that once set up against the finished floor, it looked far too busy to use. Too small and too much. So, plans were dumped and another trip to Lowes' tile aisles was made. I've lost track of the ridiculous number of return trips we've made between Lowes and Home Depot. Ugh.

Our options lined up as below. Our original, cast out, in the middle. The marbled patterns in both side squares, again, too busy. The middle offering the most contrast. Settling with a brown hue was the last thing I wanted to do. I was pretty disappointed. But, I realized, that we either would have gotten the busy floor - and loved it...along with a bold simple tub, OR could have gotten the busy walls...and loved them...with a standard simple floor. Obviously the floor was in place. So we went with that option. And, the reality that switching from the itty-bity tiles to the standard 12-inch, cut the material price from over $700 to under $100 to cover the three walls was a big bonus!

Adding the last of the hardibacker to the wall, he was ready to go. The walls went up after long days at work. Poor guy would come home, take an hour setting up the tile saw, spend an hour or so laying tile, and then another hour cleaning off the saw. What a process. Each night of this process equaled about a half wall going up. I think I looked at the second picture below for a week...and the next for another week. We were both relieved when all three walls were set.

Things stayed at this ungrouted phase for several days. (Tyler took full advantage of the walls while in giant peg board stage. I often found him rearranging the spacers in the cracks. He's been in heaven with this building.) Matt got talking to his brother about where we were at, and Paul offered to come do the grouting. He worked several years laying tile, so is professional at the job. Bless him for coming and getting it done! Sure, Matt could have done it if/when he ever got the time. But, while watching Paul spread the goop into the cracks for four full hours, all I kept thinking was how grateful Matt and I both were that the work would be done when Matt got home that night. A burden off Matt's shoulders!

The end result both Matt and I are happy with. Sure the walls are much different than I had imagined. Much darker and man-cavish...but clean and cozy. And, I wish we had gone several shades darker with the floor grout for wear and for more contrast. But, it now is what it is. And, it is real good. I am learning the frustrating reality that I can have things visualized perfectly in my mind, but the stores most likely don't have that same image on their shelves. I'm learning to revamp my plans and be alright with it (example 1, wall tile; example 2, shower curtain that isn't available to ship out until Feb 28th! Looks like plan B for that, too!).

And, best picture of this bunch: last night, after Matt had set the toilet on the now-finished tile. I was laughing aloud at him just hanging out in the tub. So tired he couldn't get out. Not wanting to get out. So uncomfortable that when he did get out he was beyond stiff. Harsh? It was funny! I promised him I'd put the tub to good use! Find some sort of water pillow (is there such a thing?), and I'll sit in there for hours! Hopefully sooner than later.

"Them Mountains are a blazin'!"

The hillsides above Bountiful have been especially beautiful, the past week. Matt's been coming home after driving up and down the Wasatch Front claiming (in redneck accent) that, "them mountains are a blazin'." A welcomed show that Fall indeed has not been skipped - an unmistakable patchwork of yellows, oranges, and reds. Vibrant reds! Scrub Oak and Maple. Once tired of those, Aspens with Pines! Tho a camera never represents natures' true colors, these give an idea of how gorgeous this area has turned!

A few nights ago, when Matt made it home in time to grab the car keys and a pizza, we jumped at the chance for a Fall drive. Knowing just where to head, we drove up to "The Peak." Above "The B" as the kids know it. Many turns took my breathe away. Personally, I mark these switchbacks as more impressive this season than the Alpine Loop we drove a week ago.

Jackets were optional. Roadside parking for leaf collecting was mandatory!

I think we all always count it a blessing each time we get out and about...